My son is not your Negro...
“I Am a Man” signs have turned into “Black Lives Matter” signs during protests. The words are different. The message is the same.
During my first year of marriage, I predicted that our first child would be a boy. I can’t explain how I knew. I could just feel it. Almost two years later, I am overjoyed to have a son, and saying that I’m a proud boy-mom is an understatement. I have always felt that being a parent was the most important job a person could have. Parenthood is the ability to mold a young mind--a young vessel. Everything you pour into your children will manifest in their characters and actions.
However, when you are the boy-mom of a black son, you have a major responsibility to teach them certain things. There are conversations we have to have with our black sons that are passed down from generation to generation--tough conversations. It is our job to educate them beyond what they will learn in school. We have to teach them not only black history but how to survive in a world not built for them. We have to teach them how to keep their hands visible when they are stopped by the police and to do whatever they can to get home safely. We have to have talks about discrimination in the workplace and prepare them to jump through hoops to prove their worth as professionals.
The truth is that black people are more than worthy. We are so beautiful, talented, and deserving of recognition when we excel.
The other night, I told my husband that I wanted to watch the James Baldwin documentary, I Am Not Your Negro, on Netflix. As James Baldwin so eloquently put it, “The root of the white man’s hatred is terror. A bottomless and nameless terror, which focuses on this dread figure, an entity which lives only in his mind.” So it’s a mentality...
How do you defeat a mentality--a mindset ingrained in a person during childhood and passed down from generation to generation? Hating people because of their skin color is a learned behavior. How do you unlearn those ways? Do you even understand that those ways are wrong?
My husband and I often discuss the things we want to instill in our son. Even though people will treat him differently because of his skin color, we’ve decided hate is not something he will learn from us. I don’t fear for his life because I have already put it into God’s hands. I do have dreams for his life though. I want him to be exposed to different races and cultures. I don’t want him to just stick to his own kind. As James Baldwin said when discussing racial segregation, “The question is really a kind of apathy and ignorance, which is the price we pay for segregation. That’s what segregation means. You don’t know what’s happening on the other side of the wall, because you don’t want to know.” I want my son to know what’s on the other side of the wall.
Baldwin’s goal with this documentary was to tell the story of America through the lives of three of his friends: Medgar Evers, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Malcolm X. The film also introduced the names of young black children who had been killed unjustly. A lot of names were new to me. I started Googling them and reading their stories. There were so many names that I couldn’t Google them all before the documentary segued to the next scene. I’m afraid to think about the stories that have gone unreported. My stomach churned as I listened to the words of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, Jr., which were featured in the documentary. Their words are still relevant to today’s struggle--the same struggle. “I Am a Man” signs have turned into “Black Lives Matter” signs during protests. The words are different. The message is the same.
It saddens me to say that George Floyd’s death was not the first occurrence of a black man losing his life to police brutality. But this time the Covid-19 pandemic trapped the entire world at home watching footage of his last pleas, his last cries, and his last breaths. No longer were people distracted by work, alternate headlines, the juggle of everyday life, or social gatherings. Mr. Floyd’s death was an awakening that shook us to get up. Unfortunately though, police brutality has continued since the George Floyd tragedy. We say their names in remembrance of them so that others will know that their lives mattered: Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, Sandra Bland, Aura Rosser, Trayvon Martin, and Rayshard Brooks, to name a few. They are not forgotten, and you can rest assured that the families of these victims will never forget.
And what about the families of these victims? How will these violent occurrences shape their mentalities about American society and the officers who police it? What kind of mentality will they pass down to their children? What are they to think when the juries render their final verdicts and justice hasn’t been served at all?
My son has so much to learn about this world, but, more importantly, he has so much to learn about himself, his history, and what we as a people fought for so that he will have a promising future. When people ask me what I did to leave my mark on this world, I would like to say that I helped mold a young boy into a man with integrity and strength--that I taught him to be true to himself and not be afraid to fight the right way.
There are so many ways to fight the right way: get an education, give back to your community, become a mentor, vote, and participate in peaceful protests. Protests are usually a reaction to an injustice that has occurred. My prayer for the future is that one day there will be no need for protests.
Some companies have struggled with whether to make public statements in support of the Black Lives Matter movement. Some said they didn’t want to get into the politics of the subject. Excuse me if I don’t view Black Lives Matter as a political issue. It’s a human issue.
However, I am hopeful for the future. In the summer of 2020, we saw all races coming together to fight against the injustice of the police brutality that too often victimizes black people. I’m hoping in the near future that we can change the narrative and that we can have new conversations with our children.
I can only think of one solution to help move our society forward:
1. Stop racism in its tracks – I just recently came to terms with the phrase “This country was built on racism.” I am marking this as a true statement. This truth about America will be difficult to undo; however, our children hold our future. We have to show them a different way. They need to know their history, but they also need to know that history does not have to repeat itself. Let us hone practices that pass down a mentality of treating people equally and with dignity and respect. Racism is a learned behavior that bleeds into actions. Our children (those of all races), will grow up to serve in different capacities in career fields such as law, law enforcement, education, non-profit work, corporate transactions, etc. Their mentalities, their behaviors, and their learned prejudices will dictate the way that they treat other people in every setting. If we start with our youth, we can bring about the change we seek to see.
Edited by: Rodaltonjpoole
Photography: Eric Smith-@smith.cr2
