“There is no such thing as someone completing you. You are already whole. If a good man comes along, he can only serve as a compliment to who you already are.”

I will never forget when my co-workers took me out to lunch for my 30th birthday. I worked with mostly women, so it was pretty much a girl’s lunch. Everyone took turns around the table giving me advice for this new decade in my life. My chief at the time spoke first, she said, “There is no such thing as someone completing you. You are already whole. If a good man comes along, he can only serve as a compliment to who you already are.”

People kept going around the table giving advice, but I couldn’t hear it. I was in a trance still fixated on her words. I was seriously dating my husband to be at the time, but all I could think about was “Where were you when I was in my twenties? You mean to tell me that I was whole the entire time?” It took me years to figure that out:

After I hit 27, all I kept hearing was, “When are you getting married?” Especially when I was around family and church members. In 2013, I remember announcing with excitement at a family gathering that I was about to walk across the stage to receive my master’s degree that fall. And do you know what the next question was? “So when are you going to settle down?” I responded, “I don’t know, but right now I’m about to get this degree tho.”

Us Southern girls were raised to be wives and marriage was apart of the bigger picture. I say that because I would often meet young women from up North and marriage could not have been further down on their radar. They had zero pressure from family and friends about getting married. They were focused on careers, traveling and girl trips.

Now don’t get me wrong, I had all the same things going for myself, but I didn’t truly appreciate them at the time.

I spent the last couple of years in my twenties feeling like I was without something. I felt like I was not enough because I wasn’t becoming a wife anytime soon. I was still kissing frogs searching for my prince. My chief came to that lunch to slay my Disney fairy tale dreams and let me know that what I really needed in my late twenties was to know that I was enough.

I spent way too much time focusing on the things that I didn’t have, that I missed out on the things I did have. I was comparing my life to the married women that I knew, before my season.

There was so much beauty in being single, and for a few years I can honestly say I missed the point of those years. Now, when I turned 29, I went on a self- love journey and I was able to see clearly not only the love I had for myself, but the love God had for me.

God was like girl you can’t just give me your career. I need you to hand over that love life. I said okay God, you can have that area of my life. I trust you with everything else, I have to trust you with this too. I finally gave it to him and I could feel the weight that was lifted off my shoulders. I was no longer weighed down by dating guys that were wasting my time or spending time with people who were just okay for right now, but not cut out for the long haul.

I continued my love journey and for the first time in a few years I truly felt like I was whole. I was whole in him; I no longer felt like I was lacking anything. Every morning I would seek God first through prayer and scripture. I began to appreciate my get up and go lifestyle again. I filled my head with positive thoughts and daily affirmations.

Flash forward, when my husband did come into my life. I recognized him right away. I knew who he was because I knew who I was, who I had worked so hard to become. This season of wholeness gave me the spirit of contentment. I was anxious for nothing and I could read bullshit a mile away.

Whoever is reading this, I want to encourage you to surrender whatever is weighing you down in your life and focus on the beauty there is, you are where you are for a reason. Trust God and the journey he has you on.

I’m grateful for the journey but I do realize, if I wasn’t so busy comparing and listening to the wrong crowd, I could have experienced this wholeness the entire time.